A Dear Frances Column for Caregivers

 

Yes, I am now a columnist for the Hawai’i Herald! Read the intro to the first column by Hawai’i Herald:

Hawai’i Herald Columnist

…With this issue of The Hawai’i Herald, we welcome author, poet, teacher and seminar speaker Frances Kakugawa to our ‘ohana of monthly columnists. ..
…Frances was in Hawai’i last month to deliver several talks on writing and caregiving — she spoke on Oahu and in Hilo. We got together on a Saturday for a won ton mein lunch and sealed the deal on her penning a monthly “Dear Frances” column, sharing her perspectives on caregiving issues sent in by you, our readers. You can email your “Dear Frances” questions to me at kchinen@thehawaiihochi.com — or mail them to me the Herald: 917 Kokea St., Hon., HI 96817. I will forward your questions to Frances for her to answer in future editions of the Herald.

Omoiyari . . . Think of others first and good karma will return to you. — Frances H. Kakugawa

 

The first question discussed :

Dear Frances,
I am a caregiver for my mother-in-law. I’m having a difficult time because she treated me badly before she got ill. She never accepted me. And now I’m her caregiver. How can I deal with these thoughts of resentment and give her the care she needs? I can’t forget what she did.
Jane

 

Dear Jane:
We, both caregiver and the one being cared for, bring our own personal history to caregiving. I am very familiar with your feelings. As difficult as it is, it may be time to let that part of history go. See if you can be in the present and embrace your mother-in-law as a woman who needs your care, not as that woman who left you residues of negative feelings.

She may have no recollections of what she did. If you can do this in the spirit of humanity, with compassion and respect for who she is, a fellow human being, you may discover like many of us did, that rising to the occasion with love, compassion and dignity will bring peace and appreciation.
This disease will run its course no matter how we feel or behave, so for our own benefit, why not the positive so that at the end, we’re able to say, “I feel good about myself. I am a good human being, after all,’’ which often leads to that undefineable joy, for whatever we do to others, we do to ourselves. The gift of self is a powerful gift. Let me know if this works for you. Frances
The other two questions discussed are:

Dear Frances: I finally found adult care for my wife, but she refuses to go. How can I get her out of the house?
Harry

 

Dear Frances,
My friend’s mother has Alzheimer’s. What can I do to help her?
Gary

If you’d like to follow my column, subscription to the Hawai’i Herald can be made at the following:

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Someday I will tell you the story of my dream of writing for a paper since grade school years and how I failed twice in my efforts in becoming one. And here, after all these years, the Hawai’I Herald is making that dream come true.